Jamaica:Day One

I could go on for days on how beautiful this country is. I could tell you so many things about the flora and fauna of the land, the steep mountain peaks breaking with fruits and exotic plants or just the everyday culture of the land in general. But honestly, I have to give credit to the people of Jamaica themselves. My first day back in the birthland of my mother and father could only be described as: humble.

The islands of Jamaica has seen better days from the last time I was here. I mean things have progressively adapted and grown accustomed to new lifestyles (especially during a very rough election process) and the people of the island sure know a thing or two about adapting. Sure they may hate the prime minister and all the bad vibes they get from all the hassles a d tribulations that set in front of them due to a very corrupt government and shady banking system…but they survive somehow. This is what I plan to figure out during my week here, to soak in the very essence of this mystery: why and how such a community could still hold their ground even though so many hard times have erupted square in their faces?

My father and I finally met up with each other, after eleven long years of being apart from one another. We still keep in toughs over the phone from time to time but there is just something about actually being physically present in front of someone that sparks up that familiarity of love back into your arms. I have never hugged a man for so long, it felt as warm and whole as another woman. I’ve missed my dad the past couple years and even though we are nearly 1500 miles apart, wet hat father and son bond can never be broken.

After the whole father/son reunion, we quickly came back to reality and headed over to my grandfathers house for a bit of breakfast. A feast was greeted to me of Ackee and Saltfish (jamaicas national dish) and a bowl of banana porridge. As I took a bite of every delicious morsel, my mouth was having the time of its life and was near the climactic orgasm until a very sweet lemonade (made with limes) hit my lips. All breakfast aside, it was time to hit the road to the countryside and Ocho Rios where I would spend the next couple days at a resort.

The drive over to Ocho was goddamn beautiful. Filled to the brim with all sorts of gorgeous vistas and serene views, I knew I was finally in paradise. The actual drive there was a bit rough, we were almost near the edge of the road every time but it felt more like a roller coaster than a calm drive. The vistas helped keep the peace for most of the ride had it not been for all the damn potholes in the roads. I swear Jamaica must have the world record for most potholes on the planet.

We arrived at a resort, the RIU of Ocho Rios and checked in to the hotel. There I was treated to an ample amount of free liquor and food. I drank a couple run punches, drowned myself in a few glasses of mojitos and mellowed out to a Mai-Tai. The watered down rum and coke with the very salty porkchops was the only stale part of the night here. Plus there was the random improv performance here which was pretty tacky but the booze helped so it kinda mixed things up a bit.

Overall, I am glad I took this vacation. This was something that should have been done for the longest and I am glad it finally happened. I plan to take on the rest f my time here with a clear head and concious, something I needed to breathe in during these past couple rough months. The vacation has only begun and I still have plenty left to do in time for me to get out of here. Cheers to the night, and cheers to Jamaica

I hear ya old timer….

I hear ya old timer….

New Wallet

My new wallet just came in the mail today and I am more than pleased with what was shipped. I mean on photo the wallet looks like it would be just some cheaply made plastic thing to keep my cash and cards in, but holy moly was I wrong. I ordered a Classic NES Controller wallet using my points from my Game Stop Powerups Rewards card and figured it would be here in some sort of cheap fashion. This things is gorgeous to start off with perfectly replicating the controllers with all the bells and whistles. Plus it has way more slots to put all my cards in which is a godsend cause I I have a ton of plastic to carry around in my last wallet and cramming them in the same spots was becoming a huge hassle for me.

I have to admit, this was one of the best free purchases I have made in a long time. The craftsmanship of the wallet and the materials used clearly blew my mind away. I’d honestly say this could go for at least 30 bucks at most for the work done on the wallet. My money and the various pieces of plastic I carry will be most pleased with their new home. 

For every thorn there is a rose

My heart is bone dry out of love. Wasted it on the wrong women is my first guess, giving too much of it comes as a close second. As I look back on it now, I was a goddamn fool for doing that. But then again I was young and kept thinking close to my chest rather than my head. It hurts sometimes to come to that reality that you’ll never be with someone you know, but you just gotta roll with those mental shutdowns and just get with the program.

I see things in a different light when it comes to liking a female, something I wish I knew when I was all head over heels from before. Some women are better just left alone, you cannot force them to like you no matter how much effort you put into it. It’s like trying to tell your teacher to give you an A+ when really you suck and deserve the F. Take that F and turn it from failure to future. Look towards a better path down the road, there are over 6 billion women in this world that are ripe for the picking. Don’t ever get stuck on stupid for something that just won’t happen, it’ll kill you inside believe me. 

I see it now….why she never wanted to be with me or why any of them never liked me to begin with. It’s how the person feels about you that is the very first step into getting into a relationship. You can jive into it with a song and dance at first, but would you rather have a short-term deal or a long-time endeavor? Once that click happens, that magic, that weird bubble in your stomach feels mutual between the both of you; go for it without hesitation. 

Just a random drunken post

What I saw tonight just gave me the slowest smile ever. Partially cause I was slightly buzzed off of a bit of Everclear liquor punch and Bud Lights but for the most part it was the atmosphere I was around. I felt the love of friendship, of people who would rather just sit and vibe and talk about nothing but random shit than just sit at how staring at a computer screen. I saw the comedy in that of a drunken man, dancing his ass off to both techno and classical music in a way that just had the whole crowd going. I saw a man take a shotgun full of tequila straight to the face and all of his buddies doing the whole “WHOOOOO” chest bump thing. I see women in the far corner gossiping about cute boys and the outfits they wore, and the men who were lurking around just waiting to pounce on their prey.

But out of all of this….there was friendship in it all. It’s tough to explain that word, like what it means to be a friend to someone. A person you could count on for anything, no matter what the situation is. That’s probably my only explanation I have for friendship. Everyone needs a friend, no matter how weird or lonely they may seem. It just takes a simple hello and a light smile to get a conversation going and trust me there was a ton of that going around at this party and I was glad to be apart of the festivities. 

Never depart from your friends, keep em close to you no matter where the road takes you both. Make a phone call, write a post, send a picture, write a letter; just never break that bond cause there is nothign quite like losing a friend. I am glad to have the best bunch of friends a guy could ever ask for. I am glad my friends are there for me no matter what happens to me, and I am eternally grateful for all they have done for me. I love them and I would never think twice about abandoning them for nada. 

This is me speaking out of a sappy drunken tone, but it’s mostly from the heart.

Restless Night

It’s 5 in the morning. My eyes feel heavy. My soul is tired. My entire body feels like it’s ready to hibernate for months. But for some odd reason, I can’t sleep. Maybe i’m thinking too much, maybe its Isaac Hayes playing in the background, maybe I am too wired on green tea. All i know is I need sleep, and for some ungodly reason I can’t pass out. So I write here, to whoever reads this about my unusual fit of insomnia…….dot dot dot….yup, def on the brink of madness.

Saints Row The Third: First Impressions

I’ll admit, I hated the Saints Row series. It just felt to me like a bland representation of the Grand Theft Auto series and a cheap imitation of San Andreas. It was crude, had tasteless humor and I turned off my console after playing through the ridiculous Septic Tank missions where you are spraying poop all over people’s houses for cold hard cash. I thought I would never play another minute of this game….but once again I was wrong.

The moment I started up Saints Row The Third, I was dying of laughter. The opening credits sequence was played like the beginning of a Star Wars film complete with rolling credits and a very well-known theme from another movie. It was filled with the same raunchy humor as the last few games gave, but it was actually tasteful this time. A light F’bomb here and there and a few cuss words can make a game really. It wasn’t until after the opening that I was in an elevator getting ready to rob a bank with my most trusted teammates. What was even more hilarious was that we were robbing the bank dressed as a well known member of the group.

So the bank heist goes bad (but in a very good and explosive manner) and we are sent to prison. This opens up the character creation screens and let me tell you, I must have spent at least two hours tops perfecting my character. I made a British speaking black guy with a scar over his left eye, a chin that would give Superman a run for his money, and dressed him up with a disco suit, gold chains and aviator black sunglasses. He had an assortment of tattoos that were all flower related all over his body with one over his chest that says “bouquet of pain”. He was set, he was ready, and “The London Disco” was willing to give Steelport a piece of his mind.

So we’re taken to a plane and given an introduction to the main bad guy of the game and his twin hot chick assistants. All hell breaks loose and I am taught the basics of combat and the like. This felt so much better to control and fun to use than in Saints Row 2. Basically, you get a heavy attack and a light attack. The light attack can be used to create combos to beat down your foes but the money shot (quite literally) is with the heavy attacks. You can leap over enemies and right hook the hell out of them, sprint fast enough and you’ll be drop kicking foes in a heartbeat. Be really creative and send a swift uppercut to the groin for some ball-bursting hilarity. This is the beauty of Saints Row The Third, the ability to have fun while at the same time enjoying all the randomness it has to offer.

So after a brief mission over the city of Steelport which has you free falling in midair as debris is flying every which way at you, you get a glimpse of Steelport itself and this city is HUGE in scope. If you look closely during this mission, you can actually see the entire city in scale. So we hijack a car (which can be done a many number of ways from flying into the windshield to simply bashing the drivers head in and throwing them out) and I get a taste at the vehicles and the way the city is.

Vehicles in Saints Row The Third are much tighter and less wonky to control but not as tight as GTA 4 which is a blessing to me cause I hated those controls. It gives you the freedom to drive at your own ridiculous pace but not so much where the car is just flailing about down the road. The radio stations play some really awesome tunes. Some of my favorite stations are the 80’s station and the Adult Swim station. Yes, some of the best music from the Adult Swim library make it into the game, even the theme songs of many of their shows (I totally geeked out at The Venture Bros theme).

The city itself is a mixed bag of what you come to expect. Pimps, ho’s, gangstas, crooked cops, tanks, missiles, the military, you know the usual tip. It was a cool exploring the city as some of the innocent bystanders will call you over for photo op moments that can net you respect and cash to gain more popularity around town. The different properties you can own now are a staggering amount. Plastic Surgery offices, gun shops, gas stations, strip clubs, piers, docks, clothing stores, you name it and its yours for the top dollar. Not only that but now you get an increased amount of wealth for every property or gang operation you take control of. The VERY best part of all of this is that all your money is linked up with your cell phone so if you need a quick hit of cash just pull out your phone and transfer your money from an unknown bank account.

I am not done speaking about Saints Row The Third and have yet to get to the bread and butter of the crazy good game. It’s right beside San Andreas as the best open world experience and I will just about say it could even top that game as the greatest. I’ll write again about side missions, assassinations, weapons and any other crazy antics I can find. Now if you excuse me, I have to jump off the roof of my penthouse and swan dive into oncoming traffic while thrown multiple grenades.

Death To The Social Network

I’m pretty much done with Facebook for the time being. I dunno, it feels as if we are a dedicated couple or something and we need a break from each other. But it is hard to break up with the ones we love. I started feeling the “itch”, that very same itch that drives me to write something clever and unexpected on my updates. But then I quickly dismiss that feeling cause I get the feeling that I am just rambling off with myself about it, with no feedback whatsoever. I dunno, once again this is just me being me and I need some sort of change in my life and my disconnect from Facebook is my only ticket.

I’ll will miss the few friends I have on there, the ones I can talk a good political and entertainment type of conversation with. I’ll will miss the incredibly beautiful women I see posting nonsense about their figures and man troubles. I’ll even miss the occasional ranter about some awkward change to the site as they bitch and moan and complain every single detail on why one simple change can and will ruin their lives….by the way, I am SOOOO glad I am not that type of person. Honestly though I will miss entertaining those 223 friends I have on there (about 30 are known, the other 193 are either random friend request or people I haven’t seen since grade school). I will miss the feeling of getting at least 12 likes for something I was babbling about, I will miss getting a laugh or even a slight smile out of some of the things I write cause that’s honestly who I am; a writer.

Maybe I’ll head back to this site, refreshed and ready to take it on once more. Call it the rejuvenation process to our semi-awkward relationship. Maybe I just won’t come back, who knows what plays in the cards for my life or for Facebook in general. All I know is that I sit here, comfortable in my fuzzy slippers, typing away on this post as some sort of a lament to a time where I felt at peace with all my inner thoughts through just 140 or more characters on Facebook. I raise my glass of orange juice in your honor my love, may we look upon our time together as a rather joyous and wild romp and may we meet again in the near future.


Top Ten NES Box Arts Of All Time

The Nintendo Entertainment System, otherwise known as the NES, is home to some of the greatest and most influential games in the history of Video Gaming. Super Mario, Metroid, Zelda, Kirby, Final Fantasy, Dragon Quest, Castlevania, Punch-Out….seriously the list goes on and on with classic titles. But what is a classic title without some pretty impressive covers to go along with the game? That’s why I decided to create a list of the best box arts to grace this classic system, and believe me this was no easy task. There are literally thousands of games to choose from, but here are some of my personal favorites.

10. Contra

This was a pretty badass cover art. Basically, two ripped dudes with big guns taking down the scum of the universe while wearing colored bandannas. Not to mention that legendary logo for both Konami and the Contra sign.

9. Gradius

You will notice a running trend in Konami box arts on this list, they really do have the most badass and detailed out of all box arts. This one was no exception but there was a clear ripoff of the Star Destroyer from Star Wars dead stamp in the middle of the box, but once again the attention to detail is clearly evident.

8. Bionic Commando

Basic and straight to the point, this cover was all types of WTF. Just a dude swinging like Errol Flynn across some war torn battlefield fighting robots and faceless soldiers. A true kick ass and take names type of cover.

7. Mike Tyson’s Punch Out

At the time when this first released, this was one hell of a cover. Just the legendary Mike Tyson, a helpless victim and a dumbfounded referee. It was the closest thing to a free pay-per-view match as any.

6. Baseball Stars

One of SNK’s earliest titles and one of the best sports sims around at the time, Baseball Stars was just like its cover: wacky, intense and full of home runs.

5. Contra Force

Yes. More of this please and thank you. Check out the testosterone in this one scene alone. Sure the game was a complete and utter failed departure for the series but still this more than redeems it’s terrible gameplay. Like a bad day in Chicago or something.

4. Castlevania III: Dracula’s Curse

This was a pretty damn good Castlevania cover, not to mention the 2nd best in the series in terms of good gameplay. What really pissed me off is that gigantic sticker on the box for some bullshit excuse of a sweepstakes. Even more insulting is that I think Alucard was the poor sucker to be covered up from this legendary team-up.

3. Super Mario Bros. 3

I get a huge kick of nostalgia every time I see this cover. Just Mario being Mario, flying around with glee and a raccoon tail (Tanooki tail). It makes well use of all the bright colors and the tag line really did live up to its hook, this was the most exciting Mario adventure…..yet.

2. Dragon Warrior (Dragon Quest in Japan)

This was a pure work of art, it almost has a slight art gallery feel to it. The slight beam of light peering from the sword, that terrifying dragon, the knight in armor ready to take down the beast; every thing about this cover is a marvel to look at and if you can find the original one intact then you are God in my eyes.

1. The Legend Of Zelda

Yea this is where it’s at. If not one of the most iconic covers in gaming history, The Legend Of Zelda really needs no more introduction than this. It was gold, it had a giant shield with hints of the real game and no mention of Link whatsoever. Plus it came with maps and playing tips which everyone adores. This is gaming at the peak of perfection and its box art is no different.

This played at the very hilarious fight scene near the end of Crazy Stupid Love….did I not mention how much I loved this movie?

True as sung by Spandau Ballet